I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
