you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
