Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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