I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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