sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize