I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize