i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
