We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did we literally take a cab across the street
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
