singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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