I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
