Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize