I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
