I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
