before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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