I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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