ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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