I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
