so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
