i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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