first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
