He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
