Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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