i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize