So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
