He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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