i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
