haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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