Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
