I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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