he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Mom said you looked used
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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