And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize