i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
