I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
