how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize