I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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