the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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