i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
