Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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