her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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