SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
