I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
