i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
