My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
