there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
