Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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