Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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