so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
