I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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