a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
