I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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