I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
