she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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