Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
