I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
