just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
