seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize