the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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