My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The convent might be a nice break from real life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
