Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
