I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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