why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
