They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
