its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
