hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize