Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
