I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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