apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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