i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
