We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
