Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
