After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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