I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
