wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
