Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish i was in the wii world.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
