Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
