remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
