i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize