I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
