I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
