I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my poor anus
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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