You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
