Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
