Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
