I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
