Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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