this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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