having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
