I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
