I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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