I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
