So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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