There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
