she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
