i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
