he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
