no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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