I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize